It's the handwriting that counts

This fabulous piece of crapitecture houses the "Palace of Weddings"


I believe my regular readers know that I have proposed marriage to and been accepted by a certain resident of Moscow. You residents of consumer friendly America probably think that there couldn't be much of a simpler thing to do considering anyone of you could be in Vegas within the day and marry the citizen of the opposite sex (for the time being) of your choice. Well in Russia it's not so simple considering its unfortunate bureaucratic Soviet past. During Soviet times, and remaining unchanged to date, "marriage" became the act of signing a marriage license at ZAGS (registry office).

Soon we will be this happy couple signing "the document."


What is most unfortunate is the great pomp that is now the modern Russian "marriage." It is comical how so many modern Western traditions have been imported into the Russian wedding (limos, receptions, &ect.) but that all the real substance is the signing of a document.

Soon my bride and I will ascend these majestic steps to the above seen "desk of destiny."


Once again you may say that signing a few papers is not so difficult. I would agree with you but then you have to remember that I am a foreigner and almost everything is more difficult for foreigners. First of all the foreigner must have an approved statement ($30) from the American embassy stating that they are not currently married. Next this statement must be approved ($4 and one week wait) by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the RF (Russian Federation). While waiting for this the foreigner should have their passport translated and notarized ($20 and next day service). Having gathered all these requisite documents my Russian bride and I made our way to "the palace of weddings no.4" to submit our paperwork.

As upon visiting almost every office to do with the government one needs to be ready for a long wait. Surprisingly the day we went there wasn't a huge line so we only waited for probably 30 minutes. After being admitted and declaring our intentions our papers were checked and scrutinized. After a few adjustments to my declaration of not being married my passport translation was checked. And thus began the problems... The silly translators translated "Given Names" as "Name, Patronymic" and proceded to state my first name as "Name" and my middle name as "Patronymic." Disregarding the fact that my declaration of non-marriage had just been illegally modified this slight mis-translation couldn't be accepted. Once again, never mind that other government bodies often call middle names "patronymics." So only thing left to do was go back and have the translation fixed. One consolation, however was receiving the paperwork and bill ($8) in advance.

Thankfully the translators were nice enough to fix their mistake but, however, when I arrived at 4 or 4.30 on Friday the notary had already left for the day. So all that was left to do was leave it for the next week. Having picked up my translation on Tuesday we once again set out for the "palace" which one, thinking it not be so busy on such a day, would be wrong. This day we waited at least an hour while 6 other couples either filled out declarations of marriage or divorce.

Having been given a marriage form on our last trip we filled it mostly out in advance but had a few questions before completing it. So the ZAGSer glued our receipt to the back and examined what we had done so far and told us how to fill out the rest. Well my lovely fiance had filled out my part as I don't have pretty hand writing. So once she was all done the ZAGSer noticed that she was filling out my part and started saying it would have to be re-written by me. (Don't forget that with such official papers there is the space for a signature which I, of course, would write.) I must remind you that this same ZAGSer had all but 2 minutes ago examined this paper which had the exact same handwriting all over it. So now the ZAGSer proceeded to rip off the receipt that she had just glued to the first sheet and glued it to a new one (once again disregarding the obvious that it would be much easier to fill out the paper without glue smeared all over the back of it). Once the paper had been thoroughly filled out the ZAGSer compared all three of my documents and my passport to one another for the third time.

At this point I, of course, have to tell you the kicker. One of the questions we had asked about filling out the document was which address to put as place of residence as both my fiance and I live at places other than where we are officially registered as living. (On my declaration of non-marriage I had accidentally put my as well as my fiance's actual place of residence.) It turned out that such details are of no importance but what is really important is penmanship.

The other thing that makes Russia different from Vegas is that one has to wait 31 days before the marriage document can be signed. So on March 20 we will be "married."

To see more photos of so-called weddings click here.